Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
