walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
