question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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