I need help removing her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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