Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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