I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
