Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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