drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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