god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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