Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
