Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
