If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
