But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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