shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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