I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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