I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
