That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
