I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
