youre lurking in front of me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
