Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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