Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize