My hand turned me down
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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