dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
