FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
