Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
