I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
