my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
