dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So much Jack, so little girl.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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