...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
