I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
