We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
