im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
