the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
