Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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