I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
