I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
