i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
