Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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