It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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