Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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