my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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