My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
