did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
