last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
