How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
