just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
