He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
its liver damage thursday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
