I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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