Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
