you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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