Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
