you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
