Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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