The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
