my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize