I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
