i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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