Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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