Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
