yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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