I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
