Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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