In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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