Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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