So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
