It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize