After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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