Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
