I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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