you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
only you would photoshop your dick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize