They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
